Psalm 5

⁵ The arrogant cannot stand in your presence;
you hate all who do wrong.

⁶ You destroy those who tell lies;
bloodthirsty and deceitful men
the LORD abhors.

⁷ But I, by your great mercy,
will come into your house;
in reverence will I bow down
toward your holy temple.

I think of myself as an arrogant person. See, even typing that I feel arrogant. It's because I think about myself alot. And I also think about thinking about myself alot, and I think self-awareness is healthy and good, but self-centeredness and self-obsession is goofy and ridiculous and terrible and easy. I will do anything I can to convince you that I like you because I want you to think that I like you and am a good person.

This is so not who I want to be.

A friend and I were talking about how I am a "like me" person. "Like me, please" is my subtle cry. As I try to follow Jesus, I pray that by his grace and power, he will transform me into a "Because of Jesus, I love you" person.

I'm also a lying person. I don't come up with elaborate lies - I'm not clever enough. Recently, I've let white lies slip into my relationship with my boyfriend, and I confess them to him because I don't want even a hint of deceit in our relationship. He and what we have are too good to chip away at in my misguided attempts at "saying the right thing" rather than showing love by trusting and being honest. I don't want a facade of political-correctness; I want a mess of loving authenticity.

Thank you God, for your mercies which endure in spite of my arrogance and lies. Mercy trumps my mess. Awesome.