Psalm 5

⁵ The arrogant cannot stand in your presence;
you hate all who do wrong.

⁶ You destroy those who tell lies;
bloodthirsty and deceitful men
the LORD abhors.

⁷ But I, by your great mercy,
will come into your house;
in reverence will I bow down
toward your holy temple.

I think of myself as an arrogant person. See, even typing that I feel arrogant. It's because I think about myself alot. And I also think about thinking about myself alot, and I think self-awareness is healthy and good, but self-centeredness and self-obsession is goofy and ridiculous and terrible and easy. I will do anything I can to convince you that I like you because I want you to think that I like you and am a good person.

This is so not who I want to be.

A friend and I were talking about how I am a "like me" person. "Like me, please" is my subtle cry. As I try to follow Jesus, I pray that by his grace and power, he will transform me into a "Because of Jesus, I love you" person.

I'm also a lying person. I don't come up with elaborate lies - I'm not clever enough. Recently, I've let white lies slip into my relationship with my boyfriend, and I confess them to him because I don't want even a hint of deceit in our relationship. He and what we have are too good to chip away at in my misguided attempts at "saying the right thing" rather than showing love by trusting and being honest. I don't want a facade of political-correctness; I want a mess of loving authenticity.

Thank you God, for your mercies which endure in spite of my arrogance and lies. Mercy trumps my mess. Awesome.

Psalm 4

⁶ Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.

It is ridiculously hard to believe that there is Good in the world. People often say, "Just look at the newspaper headlines." What scares me even more is when the layers of a single headline are peeled away.

24 September 2010 11:52 ET

BBC News

DR Congo Rapes 'Defy Belief,' says UN

How are the victims doing?

What drives someone to violate another person?

What does the rapist think before falling asleep at night?

How are the aid workers doing?

When did the need for the UN arise?

How is this news relayed to the rest of the world?

Why is apathy so comfortable?

How are the journalists doing?

Why is there a lack of justice?

When did sex become a weapon of war?

How does healing happen?

God.

Is there any good?

Please give me the eyes to see the light of your face shine upon us.

Psalm 3

In this Psalm, "Selah" is introduced.

Selah is a liturgical/musical instruction to the effect of "stop and listen" or "let those with eyes see and those with ears hear."

⁴ To the LORD I cry aloud,
and he answers me from his holy hill.
Selah

That one caught my attention in particular because I began to think of all those times we cry aloud to God and don't get answers.

What are we listening for then?

What are we missing now by not stopping and listening?

Psalm 2

I've decided to go through a Psalm a day and post my thoughts. Today's psalm isn't connecting with my brain. As a whole, I don't really understand it because it mentions kings and kingdoms and rulers, and I don't have any experience with them.

And then I started thinking about God's Kingdom, and how I can just think about it and gush about it and be captivated by it and desire to be a part of it and throw out hot buzz words like

revolutionary

relevant

social justice

forgiveness

missional

transformational

counter-cultural

sacrificial

reconciliation

And I can't help but think that sometimes, seeing God's Kingdom gets in the way of me seeing God.

I love looking at things my friends have created: poetry, crafts, blogs, music, photos, events, scrapbooks. Seeing what they have made shows me more of who they are and what they love and are about and want to see more of in the world. It makes me do a double-take at its creator; it points to them and their heart and that is a beautiful thing.

I want to view God's Kingdom in the same way.

I want to know the Creator and His Beauty more fully because of what I have seen.

The Kingdom is merely a taste of who God is, and that is awesome.

Psalm 1

¹ Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.

² But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

i like how the psalmist first lists all these verbs: walk, stand, sit, and then in the next verse is meditate. to me, it is distinct from the other actions, and seems to transcend day to day movement; it is the source of daily activity. i also am trying to learn about what meditation actually is. i like to think that its like chewing on scripture all day and night. that changes the way i view the bible because it cant just be something i do at the start of the day and then close the cover. it lingers and teases and i hope that it steeps in my brain and in my soul. reading the bible cannot just be passive to me or else it feels like a chore. for the man the psalmist writes about, the law of the Lord seems to be the source and sustainer of his life. thats INTENSE. since when have i viewed nahum that way? or even "Love the Lord your God and your neighbor" that way?