A few years ago I threw a chair at Elliot because he was annoying me. But he dodged it, so it was okay. And we both looked at each other and laughed as we thought the same thing: Did she really just throw a chair at me? Really?
I also threw up on his head in the car.
I think the worst was when I slammed the bathroom door on his finger. After I slammed it, there was dead silence. And then he started bawling. It was this screeching agony that still gives me chills when I think about it. And I don't even remember my punishment. All I remember was that sound. As far as my relationship with Elliot has been, I don't think I've ever felt more ashamed about anything else.
We've come a long way since then.
Ever since I left for college, we've become friends. It's like with every visit, we realize that we don't have enough time to fight. So instead we go for late night 7-11 trips, YuGiOh duels, and collegehumor videos (Jake & Amir!). I feel like I am finally starting to see my brother as a fellow human being, who has dreams and insecurities and a killer sense of humor and a crush on the same girl for two years now and not just a "didi" the Chinese name for "(obnoxious) younger brother." As proud as my parents are of how nicely we can play together, I am just as proud of how much he cares about other people and how he's got a good head on his shoulders.
Now I know the real meaning behind his question whenever I call home: "So when are you coming home?"
Love you, too didi.
--
Me: So I think what I'm most scared of is getting into a freak accident the day after I graduate from college, and being paralyzed. That's scares me more than dying, but I know that I have no choice but to grieve and move on, you know?
Elliot: Well, you can't really move on.
