Psalm 2

I've decided to go through a Psalm a day and post my thoughts. Today's psalm isn't connecting with my brain. As a whole, I don't really understand it because it mentions kings and kingdoms and rulers, and I don't have any experience with them.

And then I started thinking about God's Kingdom, and how I can just think about it and gush about it and be captivated by it and desire to be a part of it and throw out hot buzz words like

revolutionary

relevant

social justice

forgiveness

missional

transformational

counter-cultural

sacrificial

reconciliation

And I can't help but think that sometimes, seeing God's Kingdom gets in the way of me seeing God.

I love looking at things my friends have created: poetry, crafts, blogs, music, photos, events, scrapbooks. Seeing what they have made shows me more of who they are and what they love and are about and want to see more of in the world. It makes me do a double-take at its creator; it points to them and their heart and that is a beautiful thing.

I want to view God's Kingdom in the same way.

I want to know the Creator and His Beauty more fully because of what I have seen.

The Kingdom is merely a taste of who God is, and that is awesome.

Psalm 1

¹ Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.

² But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

i like how the psalmist first lists all these verbs: walk, stand, sit, and then in the next verse is meditate. to me, it is distinct from the other actions, and seems to transcend day to day movement; it is the source of daily activity. i also am trying to learn about what meditation actually is. i like to think that its like chewing on scripture all day and night. that changes the way i view the bible because it cant just be something i do at the start of the day and then close the cover. it lingers and teases and i hope that it steeps in my brain and in my soul. reading the bible cannot just be passive to me or else it feels like a chore. for the man the psalmist writes about, the law of the Lord seems to be the source and sustainer of his life. thats INTENSE. since when have i viewed nahum that way? or even "Love the Lord your God and your neighbor" that way?

Snail Mail + Bono

My desk is littered with envelopes and stamps and addresses of friends who are too far away to hug. And everyone loves letters.

I was born,

I was born to sing for you.

I didn't have a choice but to lift you up,

And sing whatever song you wanted me to.

I give you back my voice from the womb

My first cry, it was a joyful noise.

"Magnificient" - U2

So the combination of loved ones + uplifting music is really working right now.

"Together We Will Live Forever" by Clint Mansell

I'm not a music person.

I like Justin Bieber and I like singing the chorus to "Horchata" by Vampire Weekend to give the appearance of good taste.

I don't know why; music just never stuck with me the way words do.

But this one,

this one haunts me.

It's so mournful and full of yearning.

The fragility of it is terrifying.

The way the melody runs hand in hand with silence is eerie, yet warm.

It sounds like a song that would be played at the funeral of a beautiful person.

The song is wisps of his or her life, the ethereal entwined with sadness.

The song restores me.

MBT #15: Stars in Pennslyvania

At first I thought that the best part of the road trip was when Kaylyn and I convinced Josh to sing along to "Wonderwall" because I have never heard him sing even though other people tell me he is phenomenal and he probably is and should let us hear him more often.

But sorry, Josh.

The stars in Pennsylvania didn't really have adjectives. I didn't even realize that the stars here were fuzzy blips compared to what they could truly look like. It wasn't until I saw the awesomeness of them in an untainted sky that it hit me how I had mistaken the mediocre for the magnificent, the fake for the authentic. And I still love the sky here. I still think the stars are beautiful, I still think it's incredible how I can make out the dark areas on the moon from here, I still think that the light pollution is eerily pretty. But it's just that whenever I look up now, I can't help but think of what I've seen.

Humor them:
allow the grandeur of the stars
to unsettle You
shrink You
humble You so that You stand
as the speck you are
no spark of blazing plasma
within You
unable to provide light
for Yourself,
let alone anyone else.
Allow the sprawled constellations
fallen star
weary night plains
inspire You
rob You of your breath
with its hemisphere
stratosphere
atmosphere
a reminder so that You never forget
that You are vastly outnumbered
as You stand among the dust of the earth
that cries for water
You are unable to give

And so You sit

And wait

I think I'm gonna need to go back again and just sit. And wait.

MBT #14: Hunger

I don't care much for statistics.
I'm too cynical (73% of them are made up) and too desensitized, especially when they're about people dying.
I hate confronting statistics about people dying because I am completely numb and helpless, and then I get upset at myself for not caring and being complacent or offering a ho-hum, "Man, that sucks, doesn't it?"
Even worse is when I am confronted with a statistic of people dying with a superimposed picture of a young child because I know that face is more than a statistic, but I can't really feel anything. I don't feel a connection; I'm not compassionate enough, I don't desire to "suffer with" people I don't know and will never meet and more often than not, write off as people I can't help.

So I was unmoved again, when I came across this statistic:
Every 3 seconds, a child dies because he or she was hungry.

Just typing that, I feel nothing.

But I'm not satisfied moving on from that.
I'm not ok moving on with my day knowing that in the span of typing this post hundreds of people have died as I much on my nighttime snack.
I'm not ok with living as if I didn't read that.
I want it to unsettle me, to break my heart. Atleast I think I do.

I started thinking of what this would look like in my life, and with a little calculator action, these are the results:

• the population at my state university would be dead in a little over 8 hours
  
• people at my church would die in 50 minutes
• every single one of my facebook friends would die in 26 minutes
  
• my campus fellowship group would die in 3 minutes
• my twenty closest friends would die in a single minute
• my family would be dead in 12 seconds

Consider me unsettled.
Punch in your own numbers.
Be uncomfortable.

MBT #13: Being with my roommate

My Dearest,

My heart shall always go on. For you.

Kisses, hugs and Celine Dion,

Bethaboo